Tuesday, February 16, 2016

A Revelation I had about Writing


I've been meaning to write an official testimony about my writing since February 9, and I've also been meaning to update on here! I did Storycoaching through OYAN (One Year Adventure Novel) and that took up a lot of my time but now I'm free!

So you know how it’s been really really hard for me to find the beginning of my story? I’ve rewritten it over twenty times and wasn’t satisfied with it because it felt wrong. And I got stuck outlining the book and I just wouldn’t try writing. I’d still write little bits of possible dialogue that get in my head and little snippets, but I wasn’t confident with my book and felt creatively blocked.

But recently I found my official beginning, at least story-wise - I’ll still edit it and rewrite parts of it but I’ve got the first sentence and last sentence of the first scene in stone. Right before I wrote that official beginning, I had a revelation and started writing it down.

Sometimes I think writing is too easy. Like I want it to be harder to physically put pen to paper so I feel the impact of every word but really it’s slippery, like ice skating or playing the piano. It’s in the words, not the physical pain. It’s in releasing the story and letting it out, not in personally taking up a sword and learning to sword-fight without hurting yourself or letting someone else kill you.

When you write, you don’t have an enemy, unless you make yourself an enemy, or you are trying to be a voice in the billions of voices shouting in the world or you’re trying to combat a specific voice that deeply bothers you. In other words, if it’s hard, it’s because you’re trying to make it hard or you are trying too hard. I mean, physically, it’s really easy to write! Just go take a pen and write the word “gibberish” over and over and over again!

Just because it’s important to do something doesn’t make it hard to do. We often take it for granted, procrastinate to the last minute, and because we put so much pressure on ourselves because it’s really important to us, we can go blank. And perfectionism doesn’t help either.

“Don’t overthink writing. It’s a weird thing but then there’s a lot of weird things in the world. I’ll find the right words, just let me tell the story first. Before I tame the story, I must first tame myself.”

Right after I wrote that in my journal, I had this determination that I would write the official first chapter and then I wrote it and that was that!
And what I meant by it was that we have so many negative voices in our heads that we’re so used to that we accept and don’t even notice that they’re harming us! 
I had started writing down in my journal at night stuff like this: 

“I’m going to write a gorgeous book and not be afraid. It exists. I will find it. God will help me. It’s okay. It’s okay to write a really bad first draft. That is natural. It will get better with rewrites.” 

It felt weird to encourage myself but when I got into the habit of it my creativity has been feeling freed up and I don’t feel so stifled as I did before.
There’s a lot of negativity that we don’t realize we actually believe, and it’s really important to acknowledge it and replace it with the truth till it /feels/ real to you.

I’m not completely out of the dark yet but I’m on my way and I thought I’d tell everyone and hope it helps someone!
Does anyone else write affirmations? If not I highly recommend it. It’s like realizing anything is possible and it’s really fun.